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Serious question and request for help

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Most of you know me as a neutral, goofy person. I reveal to you today the other side of the coin which roughly shows how I am at random times. I come to you all today to seek help with a certain matter. The past few months have been rather difficult for me in more ways than one, however, the issue at hand is my ability to trust people. The reason I am unable to do so easily has mostly to do with my past which I would rather not get into if at all possible.

The only thing at this point that I am willing to disclose is that I suffer from depression and have since I was 4 years old. If any of you have or do suffer from depression, or have the inability to trust others, and have found ways of becoming better at managing either, please either send me a PM or post in this thread. I have never been a serious person in my life, but considering everything that has been occurring lately, I feel I must make a more serious effort in altering my personality, even if just a little.

Thank you in advance to everyone who is willing to assist, and to those of you who feel like flaming the issue by name calling (i.e. emo, etc.) or any other means, please don't.

Well....
I've always had very major trust issues, and depression (which is a lot better now)

The way I started to resolve my trust issues was that I met a person. She's extremely trustworthy, and after about a year I found that I actually could trust her, and I decided that I would just tell her everything. (Well, almost everything) So when I did, and she understood and didn't judge me, it made me feel a lot better, and made me feel that maybe other people would be like her. And so I regained (partially) my trust in people.

But no matter what way you look at it, it's a long process.

Please forgive my rambling and incoherent speech, it've really hard for me to come up with something meaningful and coherent at the same time.

I guess I had/have depression. Usually I just think of happy things or do somethign to get my mind off anything. As for trust, I was told from young on that peopel are not tobe trusted. So you can imagine how that screwed with me. I started to trust when, like Berethond, I found someone I could trust. Though she wound up breaking my trust and all this other fun stuff, but I can trust.

I had someone who pretty much ripped away any last shred of trust I had towards people. I was so hurt by it, I actually became afraid to leave the house. I got over that with serious effort, found someone else, and so far, she's the only one who knows any of the darkness behind my life. While it is difficult on her at times, she swore that as long as she was able, she would stay by me and support me as best she could. I in turn am able to do the same for her, but the reason behind that is something I won't bring up because I swore it would never leave my lips, regardless of if anyone knows her or not.

Still, I am unable to completely trust her, and she knows this, yet chooses to still be with me. The only other people who know I have depression are 4 of my friends, and as cliche and emo as it may sound, we have sworn on a blood pact that whatever serious affair is mentioned regarding personal health, be it physical or mental, never leaves the room unless the person with the issue says its alright. I have attempted suicide once before, and far be it for me to even think of it again, despite the occasional thought popping in my mind on the bad days.

Berethond, LivemeLifefree, I would like to express my thanks towards your step in helping. If either of you, or anyone else might be willing to share any suggestions or even just talk about it, just PM me or post in this thread.

Okay, well I suffer from depression, I have only one person in my life that I trust fully. I suffer from suicidal tendencies and well I have been having a really rough year, jobless, moneyless and other suckage. How I am managing or how I have become more stable.
Well I reluctantly went to counselling, it was free and it was a group, I was really hesitant and resistant. I sat there for three days not saying a word. But then it was so cleansing, it was great speaking to people who suffered the same things and people I would probably never see again. As against it as I was, I would recommend counselling and group therapy to anyone and everyone.

Sent you a PM Naota.

Ill just add my perspective on life, as warped as it may be, and you can take it however you want.

I feel its a dog eat dog world, sometimes people are trustworthy, and sometimes they arent, this goes for everyone. It's very circumstantial. Some people are just more reliable then others.

Alot of the time, people can bceome more trustworthy, its rare that someone is just naturaly this way (by rare I mean basicly never 100%). In my life the people I trust the most are people who have

#1 PUT SERIOUS TRUST IN ME
#2 people ive tested with samples of truth

I guess the point im makeing is it takes alot of time to be able to trust someone, alot of experiances have to be shared, mainly because the real tests of someones integrity come about rarely, such as situations where remaining trustworthy to you might not be in there best intrest but they do it anyway (thats an extreme, but valid example).

As far as depression goes, I think everyone is. People who say they arent, are ether just in a good mood, or in utter denial. Now I dont mean that everyone is effected by it, but the feelings are lurking beneath the surface somewhere.
I feel the best way, and sometimes the only way to coupe with this is contrast. With proper contrast you can feel much better regardless of how lame things get, for example, kids in africa who have to eat leaves to survive,and have seen there families and friends murderd, compareing your life to that should, and better make you damn greatful for even the crapiest civilized life.

In conculsion, Id just like to say (cleshay alert), life is short. If you feel the world is against you, well thats pretty justifiable, but regardless of how you feel, you have to give people a chance, its like throwing noodles at a wall,somethings gotta stick....eventualy. But with that said, it dosent hurt to reserve some truths to only yourself,people arent perfect, and as mentioned already..trust is almost never 100%.

NaotaFLCL:
Berethond, LivemeLifefree, I would like to express my thanks towards your step in helping. If either of you, or anyone else might be willing to share any suggestions or even just talk about it, just PM me or post in this thread.

No problem. As for people who have hurt me in the past I have found most of them to be druggies, whores, and other such things. It always makes me laugh, and feel better. Maybe I'm just sick, maybe not, that's for society to decide.

Bloodyleach, moon, shizzie, thanks for all your input. I have considered group counseling, and if it works as well as you say, I will definitely give it a chance. Shizzie, I share your thoughts in most regards, but just seeing it in words oddly enough put a new perspective in me. While it's only a small step forward, as the saying goes, start walking forward 1 step at a time. Thanks to everyone so far who has offered a supporting hand and genuine interest in helping me. My trust issues mainly stem from many times of abandonment and in that regard, that will probably be my biggest obstacle, but in time, I may be able to give others the benefit of the doubt until they prove otherwise.

If anyone else has something they'd be willing to share, private or visible for anyone to see, please post your thoughts.

Once more, thank you to everyone who has helped so far.

Drinking helps.

I think that's the best advice, BAR NONE!

mrcheese:
Drinking helps.

Cheese is full of all kinds of sage-like wisdom...as long as it involves alcohol consumption.

I'm pretty worthless when it comes to giving serious advice and too preoccupied with my own f*ckstorm, so the best I can do is best of luck to you in sorting everything out mate.

hehe, gotta say, since starting this thread last night before work, my spirits have been lifted. Thank you all for your wishes and concern. I thought about it a little more, discussed it with my lady friend, and I will be going to group counseling. After a few sessions, who knows, maybe the cluster f*&k that is my life will seem like a joke later on. I shall stop being serious Naota soon, and return to my usual forum personality.

Of course, if anyone else has suggestions, I am open to receiving them. Cheese, that you for that, not sure if you were joking or not, but either way, I laughed. Chi, thanks for the support, and good luck to you with whatever might be ailing you.

I would suggest if possible to take a break. And by that i mean go to Thailand and stay for 5 or 6 months there.

when I went there with my two brothers our purpose was to train and we met many people from all over the world at our training place all with their own problems and reasons.

there was one kid who's father killed his mother and is in prison now, leaving the kid with his mothers money (millions btw). the kid naturally has issues, so he decided to go away for a while and forget everything. We became good friends with him and all the others.
And because of the training that we did together we became more close to one another. We were able to trust each other even though they're strangers...

besides Thailand is a very cheap place to be. You can go a long way with little money and plenty of women there and all it takes is a glimps of an eye and they come to you and your set for the night :) (don't forget the Thai massages) You can realize every fantasy you have there trust me hehe.

I can tell you all the info you need about the place i was training in and where to stay and everything else if you want to know.

That being said, my father and uncle are in detention/custody for a year now waiting for court, being charged for organized crime (lol funny huh?) it's of course not true, but the Swiss system sucks bad and lot's of people lying to save themselves...

i'm supposed to feel depressed, but i'm not. I know I have to move on and wait for the best.

i stopped my studies and got a temporary job to take care of my family and i will probably follow my fathers footsteps with my brothers beside me when he's free. (real estate btw)

This is the first time i've said these things to anyone. My personal life has always been a secret, but if this can help someone than i'm glad i said it.

Trusting is easy, just don't expect too much from people and you'll be fine.

Naota, to make you feel better I uploaded something funny haha

While in Thailand, my younger brother wanted to secretly record himself while getting "some"
but she found out and this is the video: (oh there is no nudity except for one hairy ass that mistakingly was recorded for a short part, but just think of that as a gorilla on Animal planet and were good. Make sure to see the ending :D

I've had fairly debilitating (sp?) depression for a while, so I completely get how you feel. I have very few friends, and the ones I do I have, I hold dear ('sup cheese) because these are the people who've stuck by me through everything. I don't like going out and trying to make new friends, as I have impossibly high standards, people are generally too stupid or annoying for me to want to be friends with them, and yes some of it comes down to trust. People just seem to be too interested in themselves these days to care about who they hurt, and how many people they step on on their way to the top, and I don't want to be a part of that. Not immediately trusting people is OK, in fact, I'd say advisable, take the time to get to know people.

Now in terms of other advice, definitely go for the counselling, been waiting for that for over a year myself, but another thing I can suggest is exercise. I joined a gym last week, and am making every effort I possibly can to go, aiming for at least 3 or 4 days a week. I've only been at this a week, but it's the best I've felt in a long time. I remember in the UK a few years back (maybe 3 or 4 years) there was a pilot scheme going where doctors were prescribing gym memberships rather then anti-depressants, and it was giving astonising results. I won't even take my anti-depressants anymore, they just affect me so negatively, this is the 4th type I've been given, and nothing works. You just have to go out there and find the answers for yourself, I guess is what I am saying.

Good luck in everything, and please feel free to PM me about any of this.

In all seriousness, i'll give you the same advice I gave noleafclover: nothing in your life will ever change unless you want it to.

It's all too easy to get into a funk about everything and just feel like nothing is worth doing any more (I had some nasty depression shortly before and after I dropped out of university and while I was in college). It's fine to feel bad about things for a while, but if you leave it too long without doing anything it just builds and becomes harder to do anything about. If you want to sort yourself out you just have to suck it up and force yourself to do something about your situation. In my case that involved reapplying to a new university - I didn't want to but I forced myself to do it and now i'm glad I did. Clover started going to the gym to minimise the time she spends in her home feeling down about things.

In your case, with trusting people, you just need to bite the bullet and TRY to trust somebody, somebody you've known a long time - they might just surprise you. Believe me if you leave it too long it just gets harder and harder to trust anyone. I actually had a pretty similar situation to you where one individual who I really trusted just destroyed my faith in humanity (as noleafclover can attest to) but unless you make a conscious decision to do something about your situation it's a downward spiral.

mrcheese:
In all seriousness, i'll give you the same advice I gave noleafclover: nothing in your life will ever change unless you want it to.

It's all too easy to get into a funk about everything and just feel like nothing is worth doing any more (I had some nasty depression shortly before and after I dropped out of university and while I was in college). It's fine to feel bad about things for a while, but if you leave it too long without doing anything it just builds and becomes harder to do anything about. If you want to sort yourself out you just have to suck it up and force yourself to do something about your situation. In my case that involved reapplying to a new university - I didn't want to but I forced myself to do it and now i'm glad I did. Clover started going to the gym to minimise the time she spends in her home feeling down about things.

In your case, with trusting people, you just need to bite the bullet and TRY to trust somebody, somebody you've known a long time - they might just surprise you. Believe me if you leave it too long it just gets harder and harder to trust anyone. I actually had a pretty similar situation to you where one individual who I really trusted just destroyed my faith in humanity (as noleafclover can attest to) but unless you make a conscious decision to do something about your situation it's a downward spiral.

Thank you very much for your input. Over the past year I have been putting serious effort into changing (therapy, meds, etc.) but none of it helps. With my trust issues, I have been making progress, but can't say I can do more than 4 of my friends and the lady friend (as of yet anyway). I found a group counseling center about 15 miles from me, and I dont mind the drive if it can help me better myself.

I'll admit though, unless im flat out drunk, it's currently near impossible for me to be around people. I force myself out however because I need to work on the issues at hand. Take the anime Welcome to the NHK for example. Other then the pedophile references, I used to be just like him. Finally one day, I was given the option by my friends, get my ass outside around people, or get dragged to a mental institution. Needless to say I went with option 1.

In the long haul, that was how I started regaining my trust in others, but the fear of going back into that fear of stepping out the door, for lack of a better phrase, kicks me in the nuts. The center for group counseling will be calling me later today to let me know of any openings so that will be another step forward. My friends have all agreed that if they aren't working, they will come with me for moral support, and that's way more than I can ask for. Because I can not thank any of you enough, I feel I must once more Thank each and every one of you who took the time to share your thoughts on the matter.

Leafer, that was hilarious. "Oh No! I Don LIKE!"

Ok, onto the serious stuff. Dude, your bro is one hairy mofo.

Ok, onto the more serious stuff.

Naota, I guess you can say I have some sort of depression. I don't really get sad often, but that sadness quickly turns to anger for me. My dad and bro are the same way, so I guess it runs in the family.
These days, I've been trying to keep physically active instead of plopping down in front of my computer all day. I picked up running again a year and a half ago, and I'm easily able to run 5 miles. The reason why I run is because it really does lighten up your mood. I guess if you want to get all scientific with it, the brain releases endorphins or some sh** and the enzymes and protozoa gonzo thingermajig or whatever makes you feel better.
As others have suggested, you could go to counseling and see if that helps.
A friend of mine started meditation saturday mornings at a zen temple and she claims its doing wonders for her. One very simple and effective way to release stress is taking a deep breath. With meditation, your focus is on the inhale and exhale of each breath, and although it sounds too simple, it really does calm you down.

Naota, I really do hope you can get over this hurtle. Cause if you don't, and end up leaving warcry, I'm gonna have to rely on Cheese for my daily porn-a-thon. He supplies them well, but for him its all about the beastiality. You at least throw in the occasional midgets in black leather.

Heh, thats for that leecho. I actually have the same issue of when sadness hits, I get pissed off, or hell, when I get pissed off, my eyes tear for some reason. Meditation helped for a while, but not lately. Im willing to try anything at this point, so perhaps I will go to the gym more often or even just run more. Hell, the only real excersize I get right now is at work, and that job is delivering newspapers. Every place I deliver too is 3 story condos, no elevators. Instead of taking the easy 1 step at a time, I hit 2-3 steps a time going up, then grabbing the railing and dropping 6-8 steps each.

Myself personally I'm not the depression type I think this could be a form of depression I guess. I don't like death. I freak out every now and then. I'm fine going to funerals and talking about death on occasion. Just once and a while its hits me hard and it takes me anywhere from 10 mintes to the longest aobut 1 hour to get my mind off of it. It happens randomly also. I be sitting there watching tv or reading a book and my mind starts to wonder about my own existence. How and when. life stuff. but it shakes me. Even after I get my mind off of it. it takes me a minute to get thinking normal again well normal for me not about my own demise. It was years ago it was bad. I would have to pace and walk around or go do something different. Now I just kind of click off for a few in my head zone out and the feeling goes away. Infact now I really think about it. It hasn't happend for a couple years now maybe its just I have aged more. I don't know but I felt good to share.

EDIT: now I read this its sounds like I was suicidal I was not I was just deep thought and it scared me. I have never been the person who would take his own life.

I know where your coming from Stotan. In my case, I actually attempted suicide once before about 10 years ago. Never do I plan on it again, but if something does lead me down that road again, I swore to mention it to my friends, and have them commit me until im better. I gave them power of attourny to check me in if need be. About a year or so later, I was undergoing surgery and while they were declaring me dead, my vitals returned. Probably a good minute or so went by, and I remembered everything. From that point on, I knew what to expect when the end of my life arrives, and no longer do I fear death. Thats not to say if a gun were pointed to my head, I'd be scared shitless, not from the death, but the gun itself. Now I'm in no way suggesting you have someone kill your temporarily, but we essentially fear the idea of death, not death itself. I'd say you really have nothing to worry about, but if you get those attacks again, I would say speak to someone about it. If nothing else, if you want to message me about it, I would be more than willing to go in depth with you.

I hope you feel better soon. Trusting people is an art really, it takes a while to master. People will always throw your trust back at you... But you can overcome this with time.

Stotan - Happens to me too, as a hardcore atheist I see literally nothing after death, just like before you were born the rest of eternity will pass you by instantly.

Every now and again when I think about it too much it really depresses me, but like with you it goes away after a while and just makes me realise life's too short to worry about crap like that.

*edit* also - Shophius looks identical to somebody I met at my university last year, resemblance is uncanny.

The Dire Straits said it best: "Sometimes you're the windshield...sometimes you're the bug."

I live by that. With my job, seeing the same B.S. day in day out, you have to have some balance. Don't put all of you're faith and hopes in one single thing or person and you'll be alright.

Just keep on keepin' on.

 
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