Dark Age Of Camelot: Types, in Stereo

As I waited patiently to leap out of hiding and perforate the artery of some unsuspecting Hibernian caster last night, I got to thinking about stereotypes. The Battlegrounds chat contained more than a few. You know, the people you say, "Oh, he's one of those..." about.

Let's face it: we all label people. Jeff Foxworthy has made quite a bit of money off labels. And while I'm not making a copper here, I'm going to lay out some of my own for you. I hope you'll get a chuckle out of the list...and will chuckle even harder when you find yourself.

The King's English Teacher - Roleplayers know this person as the one in the guild who is howling about staying in-character with every breath taken. Non-roleplayers know this person as the one who laughed at them and said, "What level am I on, sir? Why, the ground level, of course! Can you not see that?" They make a right royal pest of themselves, and all in the name of roleplay, and just about everyone wants to strangle them, even as they say, "But he means well."

D00d in the Fold - The antithesis of the King's English Teacher, the D00d is the one who came to the roleplay server in the hopes that all roleplayers would be easily conquered. This twitling mocks the roleplayers around him, uttering such staggeringly intelligent phrases as "dood ur gay" and "wtf is ur problem". In fact, most seem to have an odd keyboard disease, or perhaps some sort of finger twitch that makes it impossible to use the "y" and "o" keys.

The Historian - A kissing cousin to the King's English Teacher, this person has read every website (accurate or not) that pertains to the history of the Realm he or she plays in. The television is turned onto the History Channel at every moment of the day, and every year, you can find him traipsing to the local Renaissance Festival, not to enjoy it, but to nitpick at the inconsistencies. When you make an out-of-period reference in your roleplay, this person is right there, telling you why you are wrong with the smug tone that simply shouts, "I used to be in the SCA!"

Sigh and Swoon - Everything that happens to this person's character is a tragedy of epic proportions. Usually, her birth came from her mother's vicious ravaging at the hands of heinous people/beasts/both, and her life doesn't seem to be going any better. Therapy could not begin to help her, and while you are supposed to believe that her stalwart spirit was what saw her through, you can't help but think that even Ghandi could not have prevailed against her life's horrors. Often, Sigh and Swoon has a second designation...

The Diva - A real prima donna, this person cannot stand to be anywhere but the center of every roleplay event. She will interrupt raids, hunts, and everything else with her melodramas, expecting everyone to drop everything to save her. She's usually very creative, and often only wants to inspire roleplay, but she can't seem to get it through her head that not everything needs to be a Greek tragedy, and that she cannot always be Antigone.

Medieval Me - This person doesn't really understand what the term "character" means. Sure, all of his characters have different classes, races and names, but they all seem to act the same way, and oddly, all seem to act like the player. Roleplayers usually tear their hair out about him, because he often goes hand in hand with...

The Hive Mind - This person has a host of characters. He may be a Medieval Me, or may actually have different personalities for each character, but somehow, what is said to one character is known by all. He's been known to ruin roleplay events this way, because the involved characters have knowledge they should not. Worse, this person often confuses player knowledge with character knowledge, stealing the scene because he automatically knows the solution to the problem.

Family Jewels - You've hunted with this person before. Every time some piece of loot drops, she's piped up with, "You know, I have a cousin that could really use that!" or "My sister has always wanted one of those." The first couple times, you dismissed it as chance, but when she's asked for everything for a "family member", you start to wonder how many accounts she's running. It only gets worse when the person doesn't roleplay, and all you hear is, "I have an alt that needs that."

Attila the Ho-Hum - This is a real crusader against the foes of the Realm! He wants war, he wants it now, and he's not afraid to take it to the enemy. He's the one wondering if you could kill the guards outside the portal keeps so that you could just kill people as they appear on the pad. Usually, he has forces sitting right outside the radius of the keep guards, and will not be dissuaded by people telling him that letting people get at least to the bridges or mile gates is more fun. He's also the first to say, "Yawn, this is boring, I'm outta here" when the enemy gets tired of not even being able to stage and takes their toys home.

The Castle Stormer - He hasn't ever heard of a battering ram, he doesn't have a single point in Siegecraft (or any other tradeskill), but on the Battlegrounds or Frontier, his is the voice howling (usually in all caps), "Let's take the keep!" Nevermind that you have four people (one Mercenary, a low-level Cabalist, a Scout and a Minstrel) and the keep is defended by at least two full groups of the local enemy uberguild, this person wants to run up to the gate and hack it down with his jambiyas.

The Inept Commander - This person is absolutely sure that she knows what she's doing. After all, she's been playing since the game came out! Once she has the attention of the fighting force, she begins giving directions that make absolutely no sense, because she's "seen it done this way" or "knows it will work, trust her". She's been known to try for a relic with two groups and no music-maker speed, or other such tactical atrocities. And when the plans fail, she blames the fact that "no one listened to her."

Everything Just So - If your group isn't perfect, it's crap. This is the person that has read all the tactics out there, and follows them to the letter. The tactic for taking down Bob the Terrible said that you needed a Theurgist, and the fact that you have one hundred people waiting to help means nothing unless you have that Theurgist. Unfortunately, they seem to have forgotten that the tactic also said "one group with a Theurgist".

Sanya Said - No really, I met this person. The ultimate Sanya groupie, this person has read everything Sanya has written and can quote it chapter and verse. It would not surprise me to find this person with a little Sanya Shrine, a hula-ing Sanya on the dashboard, and Sanya-scented air freshener.

And a thousand others. This list is meant all in good fun. I'm more than one of these myself. If you have your own, send them to me at blackbird@warcry.com and maybe I'll do a second list later.