The Onion is cooler than you and me and everyone else I know. Why? Because they managed to write a WoW-themed love letter, guaranteed to make any night elf swoon in infatuated adoration.

Here's just an exceprt, Cyrano:

My love for you exceeds Level 60, higher than anyone thought possible in this fantastic computer universe. My spirit soars when you are near. You restore my mana with a kiss. I even named my epic mount after you. Her name is Helen, and her hair shimmers in the sunlight, and together we ride forward into destiny.

Read that to your lady love and win her heart next Valentine's Day.