I bought a console system

I never thought I'd see the day. I found myself standing outside the great, glass monolith that is Futureshop the other night. As I stared up at the glimmering marvel, I realized that this was the end of a personal era. After I stepped through those transparent sliding doors, a part of me would never be the same. I would cease to be the Landslide I had cultivated with blood, sweat, and ruthless curses. With grim determination, I entered the jungle, and my singular focus was the machete in my hands. I was hunting, and my prey was a console.
Not my usual meal.

So, for your benefit, I'll stop the jungle theme there, and continue in a normal fashion. As I meandered longingly through the PC games section, I had to remember why I was there - what I had come to buy. First I passed the Gamecubes. Stacked like little six-packs, they teetered to and fro in their little columns of compact joy. However, I knew beforehand that they were kid-oriented with brief spurts of Metroid and Resident Evil goodness. Close, but no cigar. Next, I wandered by the PS2 display case. Here was the serious contender. Packing the GTA3 series and a selection of more mature games, this was the console that offered serious opposition to my final decision. However, the system was already aging. Technology's life span is similar to the fruit fly. It barely lasts long enough to fly across the room. Yes, I've thrown various technological frustrations across rooms. So, obsolete, I turned my new age nose up at it.

And so I came to the Xbox case. Which was empty.
Naturally.

After scurrying around the store in a frothing panic, I stumbled into a really cute girl who worked the console section. Uh, meaning she was a saleswoman. Uh.. Selling consoles.. Anyway, she was cute, and she understood my dismay at a lack of Xboxes. So, she took me to the back room where she.. showed me a selection of returned Xbox systems, and I could buy one at discount if I was willing to accept a scratched case or bent packaging. I eagerly grabbed a ratty box which contained a pristine system, in unmolested shrink wrap. Yay for me!

So, I get home, unwrap my Microsoft min dreading machine, and plug the sucker in. I spent a good 10 minutes fiddling around with the system settings, and I was quite surprised with how good it looked on my little TV. Of course, it was about now I realized I hadn't bought any games for it. It came packaged with GT2003, and JET SET RADIO FUTURE!. Yay. First, I'm not a big fan of racing games. I don't find pleasure in zooming around a couple times in a big circle. Also, I'm REALLY not a big fan of racing games where the cars take NO damage. The only racing games that occupy -any- of my attention have been the ones where I've been able to race INTO the oncoming traffic, and play my gut wrenching accidents back in hi-res, slow-mo instant replay. Unless I can see my driver's head flying through the windshield at 80mph, I'm not interested. The second game was, uh, interesting. Gamespot gave it a bunch of good ratings and a handful of awards.. Which solidifies my position that Gamespot's reviews are done by some ex-hippy shroomer with his peace headbands on too tight. Anyway, I'm not much into the whole skating scene, what with the skaters, and the skating. Their clothes get caught in heavy machinery, their pants are prone to bouts of "revealmyass", and they tend to butcher the wonderful English language with something I like to call "slang". JSRF takes all these fine attributes to new levels. Every character in the game resembles a deflated zeppelin, wears skates the size of ski-dos, and the English isn't slangified. It's translated Japanese. Which of course is slightly harder to understand, but much funnier to read. The game looks, and plays kinda funky, but it's not my thing.

So, at this point, I was fairly bummed. It's like buying a 'vet, and realizing you forgot the gas. It's nice to look at, and brag to your friends about, but you just really wanna ride the mother'. So, the following evening, I went to the local "SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON GAMES" store, and picked up 3 titles. Splinter Cell, MechAssault, and Buffy the Vamp Slayer. I am very, very satisfied with my choices. Splinter Cell is a much, much better version of Thief 2, with excellent missions, level design and a graphics engine that will make you believe certain areas are rendered backdrops. They're not. The game is beautiful, challenging without being frustrating, and loads of fun to play. And the main guy is voice-acted by Michael Ironside, and he rocks.

MechAssault is an excellent arcade-style game. Mix in the Xbox Live Internet matching system, and a voice headset, and you have a diversion that will eat up hours of time. It's basically like most previous 'Mech games, without the management systems. It focuses entirely on combat. I was a -little- leery about how the game would play. I distinctly remember the MechWarrior games using -every- key on my keyboard. How was the game going to be playable with a console controller? My fears were unfounded, and the game is loads of fun.

Lastly, the Buffy game. First, if you're not a fan, don't bother. A lot of the character dialogue, and the associated humour will be lost on you. I bought it because I'm a fan of the show. I wasn't really expecting the game to be good. It is. It's actually loads of fun. For any of you who remember Soul Reaver, the game plays very similarly, but has much more polish. Third person, hand to hand arcade fighter is how I'd describe it. It's worth trying out just for the lengthy combat situations, where a dozen zombies will come at you, and you, armed only with a baseball bat, fight them all off to a great hard rock soundtrack.

So, all in all, I have to say my first console experience since the NES has been a favorable one. It's pure game. None of the distractions that come with a PC. I highly recommend you get off your butts and go get one. You won't regret it.

-Landslide