Women and Computers: The Ugly Truth

20-some-odd Reasons Why You're Better Off With A Computer Than A Woman.

- When your computer pisses you off, you can punch it and not go to jail.

- A new CPU costs 350 bucks and you can install it yourself. A boob job costs 3500 bucks, and generally they don't come with home-installation manuals.

- Although it's difficult to say whether or not your computer actually likes porn, the fact is that it doesn't complain about supplying you with all you can handle.

- You can install all the case fans and chip coolers and exotic ventilation systems you want, and your computer will still never be even a small fraction as loud as the average woman.

- Sure, the only things you can stick into a computer are diskettes or CDs, but at least you don't have to grovel like a dog for an hour before you're allowed to do it.

- No matter how down and blue your computer is feeling, a simple reboot will fix it right up, and it's a hell of a lot cheaper than dinner and roses.

- A virus on your computer will annoy you. A virus on a woman can kill you.

- You can buy, sell or trade as many computers as you want, singly or in groups, and people won't look upon you as some sort of depraved sex freak. As well, you won't be arrested for it.

- When your Windows registry gets too fat and cumbersome, a simple reformat and reinstallation will fix things right up. Ever try that with a woman? Here's a hint, don't even bother.

- When you get too fat and cumbersome, your computer won't try to reformat and reinstall you. Think a woman wouldn't try that? Here's a hint, she will.

- The most complicated, obscure and arcane software in the world is still infinitely simpler to understand and use than the average woman.

- A computer does not have a menstrual cycle. Yes, yes, roll your eyes and get indignant about yet another clueless cotton pony joke, but when was the last time your computer asked you if it looked fat and then threw a toaster at you?

- A computer will not wrinkle, sag, turn grey, and then wonder why you want to trade it in for a newer model.

- Turning on a computer is simply a matter of touching the button. This is true of women as well, but at least with a computer you only have to push it once.

- If you want your computer to blow, just put a fan in it. Getting a woman to do it is a far more complicated process, and more often than not ends up being an exercise in futility anyway. Fans also have warranty, so if it's not blowing the way you like, just send it back and get another one.

- When your computer dies, you can keep most of the parts that still work and use them in the next one. When a woman dies, you have to get rid of the whole thing right away before she starts to stink up the house.

- A woman can cook for your, do your laundry, and keep your house clean, good things all; but when you have a computer, you won't care if you eat, look like shit, or have to wade through a sea of garbage just to get to the crapper.

- Your computer can't drive. Neither can most women, so in this they're on fairly even footing. Your computer, however, won't "borrow" your car keys and then go write off your vehicle, and a woman most likely will sooner or later, so the computer ultimately comes out on top.

- When you want your computer to forget something, simply delete it. A woman, on the other hand, will never, ever let you forget the fact that you promised to see Speed with her and then got drunk and saw it with your buddies instead, even though it happened in 1994.

- When you play games on your computer and it's too hard, you can just turn the difficulty level down. When you play games with a woman and it's too hard, you're just fucked.

- You can get your computer to do anything you've ever seen a computer do in a movie. Try that with a woman sometime.

- Sticking a screwdriver into a computer and ripping all it's internal parts out will not end with people reading about you in national newspapers.

- If it's always been one of your life-long fantasies to try a black computer, a can of spray paint will take care of it for you quickly and easily.

- A woman can do a great deal more things than a computer ever possibly could. On the other hand, if your computer can't do it, it's probably not worth doing anyway.

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