Vanguard: The Day I Learned How Far I Could Throw a Chair

The Day I Learned How Far I Could Throw a Chair
By Noah

Imagine if you will a bushy tailed and starry eyed 8th grader, faking
sick to stay home and finally make it to level 20 on Everquest. That
was me. Sad, I'm well aware. I was a level 19 halfling rogue, and boy
howdy, I was gonna be 20th level and finally get my awesome last name
(which was not so awesome. It was going to be Shadowthief. Pretttttty
terrible, I know. A rogue whose name is also thief. I was a lot
younger then!)

I had been enjoying wandering around the West and East Commonlands
before I had logged off the prior day, so when I logged on I began to
think immediately of where I could go. I could go to Befallen, but I
was never that big a fan of the place. I could go south to the Oasis,
but my god, that place was just as bad. I advertised myself to see if
anyone was in the area with a plan.

I received a tell from a pair heading to Najena and wondered if I
wanted to tag along. I thought, Heck yeah, I've never been there
before, let's go!" Oh how I wished I had just gone to school that day.

After making a perilous, but non-lethal run through Nektulos Forest
(also avoiding dark elf guards like the plague) we made it to Lava
Storm. We hacked our way to the unhinged gates of Najena and peered
in.

We went in cautiously, killing easily the ogres we found. Going
through the initial guard was easy, however the stalagmites that we
encountered were something new altogether. Especially when they
knocked you back. Into the other stalagmites that hadn't noticed you
yet.

Death number 1.

I was bound in Rivervale, and I sighed to myself as I had to hurry
back to join the others, who were bound in Freeport. Making my way
through Lava storm was nearly fatal, but I managed to survive the zone
in to Najena. What I wasn't aware of was that my party had gotten in
over their heads trying to get to the corpses and had trained some
ogres to the zone line. My already diminutive health was put
post-critical by the ogres I found right as I zoned in. Death number
2.

Ok, we're all in Najena, and had found someone to help us clear the
path to the corpses. We gather up and start going again. We get a
little deeper this time, making sure we had our backs to a wall
whenever we fought the tentacle terrors. We made it to the real
entrance to the dungeon like area, past the caves and ogres, to the
dark elf magicians. They run real fast! And they really like to bring
friends. Death number 3.

This time luckily one of our crew survived and could clear the ogres
himself. We get back and make our way in again. Ok, we're pulling dark
elfs back sufficiently far to nuke them down when they run. We're
having our backs to walls. We're doing good. We'll make back the
experience we lost in about an hour, no worries, we'll probably pick
up steam too. That was until I fell down the pit trap. What the hell.
There are pit traps!? Death number 4.

This fortunately hadn't agroed the group, who now knew of said pit
trap, and avoided it. Another run back to Najena. They cleared the
path for me to get my corpse back, but unfortunately, they both had to
leave. Probably sensing that I was snake-bitten.

Deaths 5-9 were curteousy of suicide runs in to get my corpse, and
make it as far back to the entrance as I possibly could.

Somewhere around Death 6 I managed to procure a teleport from
Rivervale to Lavastorm from a kindly druid.

Around death 8, I was looking for another teleport in river vale and I
got a tell from the druid "You're dead again?"

"Verily"

I got another teleport, and buffs, and regen. I managed to get my
corpse that time with difficulty, but success. The 8th grade vehement
macho male in me caused death 9. My mindset was "Oh I'm gonna get
those bastards now. I'm gonna solo these chumps, see how they like
it." Yeah well, I had also forgotten that in my number of deaths I had
been dumped down to level 17. Not so easy to solo as a rogue (this was
pre-rogue goodliness too).

When I died for the 9th time a rage came over me. A very stoic build
up of anger until it finally erupted. I vaguely recall clenching of
fists, gnashing of teeth, and then a clatter. I had chucked the chair
I was sitting in across the room. The chair was heavy too! I fumed and
fumed some more and decided to retire this little halfling. He had
seen so many foibles and follies, and it felt as though I had played
him forever that he should just hang it up. I transferred all my gear
to a new halfling rogue and started all over. I just couldn't play
that character anymore. I got my new guy all the way up to level 58.
He was the hero of my last story, actually.

While not the last time I ever got mad at the game, it was the last
time I ever saw a physical outburst. A word to the wise, don't let a
video game mean that much to you. It's unhealthy.